Travolta.

When I eat donuts late at night I have nightmares about John Travolta. Because of this he is the one celebrity that if I saw him in real life I would not run but sprint in the other direction. (The thing is I can still watch face off because of my love to Nick Cage, but that love is for another blog.)

 

My Nightmare.

 

 

So when I lived in Austin Texas my friends and I would always be out late and we would always end up eating somewhere. We got into a phase where we would go to this place off Guadalupe called Kens Donuts. This Indian guy owed it  and made everything from scratch...so good, and an added bonus, it was open 24 hours. One night we got some donuts at about 1 A.M. How could I have known I was to wake up the next morning in a cold sweat.... The Nightmare... In the dream I was with my friends much like the night before on Guadalupe. All the sudden, John Travolta was there, hanging out with us, no one was surprised that he was there, but me. He joined in on the chit-chat and laughter, but his eyes were fixed on me making me extremely uncomfortable. I just ignored it and tried to engage in the conversation. Then Travolta started twitching but no one noticed it, but me. So I took a step back as he escalated to wild thrashing. Then a sudden pause... it was as if a demon had possessed him and he began to charge after me! So I sprinted off in some direction to get away from him! I looked over my shoulder and he was gaining on me with a nasty "Caster Troy" circa the movie "Face-Off" kind of smile.  Laughing as he charged at me, I woke up. Hoping to never relive that dream again.

Three weeks later:

I found myself at kens donuts once again. Completely forgetting about my "Travolt-attack"... I ate a donut. I got home and fell asleep and it was if the dream had been on pause, it picked up right where it had left off! He was charging me, but this time it was hard for me to run, it was if I was running in quicksand. He grabbed me and threw me into a limo. When we were in the limo I could do nothing but scream, but no one could hear me. It was just me and Travolta....and at the that moment just was he looked at me with that sinister smile..... I woke up.

Say what you will, but I know when I eat donuts I have these dreams. I will not be trying out this theory of mine out for a third time. Even though it has been three years since the last occurrence, I don't dare ever eat a donut if it's late at night or even ever, for fear that that dream will continue. 

For now I just leave you with this one truth...John Travolta is the scariest person in the world. 

Am I that obvious?

For the last couple of weeks I have been consumed with the Sundance Film Festival. I volunteered in the special events portion of the festival and it was a blast! So many kinds of people to see and they were all nice. The day before the festival starts there is a volunteer party, totally awesome. It was like one of those parties you seen in people magazine were the lighting is perfect and everyone has a drink. Well me being a non-drinker clasped a free cranberry juice as I tried to mingle with people I didn't know. You would think being the chatty person that I am this task of getting to know people would be easy, it was the exact opposite, I tensed up everything was overwhelming. I didn't want to throw in the towel after driving the 20 minutes to get there and to waste the coolness I felt being able to get into a party like this, but standing around talking to no one isn't a good look. I was never going to get to know anyone in a crow like this. So in preparation for the drive I went to the ladies room. There, I saw a girl digging in her big purse for lip gloss, dressed in plaid, my first thought was; I wish I could pull plaid off without looking like a lesbian. So I said, I love your outfit I really I wish I could pull plaid off. She kindly responded "thanks I love how warm it is." We began to chat and turned out we became friends her name was Vernie. With in the first five minuets of me knowing Vernie she said "we need to find you a guy, I can tell." in a matter of fact way. I stood there puzzled, we hadn't even brought up the subject of guys. She didn't know if I was dating anyone or married or if had a few guys on the side. She just knew. I had to wonder what about me gave off that vibe? Did I have a stamp on my head that read "NEEDS GUY"?
That Thursday was my first shift. I was to help out at a screening for this select group of actors called "artist at the table". I saw so many people. I helped Mark Ruffalo to his seat and MAN was he the nicest ever. From seating Mark I turned around and saw Katie Couric who was so nice and told me I was pretty. I looked around and there was Aaron Paul, and then I turned and saw this Italian man looking at me. I immediately got sheepish and looked behind me to see if he was looking at someone else, when I realized he was looking at me, I got red. He came up to me and asked me where the bathroom was. I realized that Vernie was right. When this Italian man came back he looked at me again and smiled and said "so we meet again" and I just laughed and shot him a smile because all I was to him was a way to find a bathroom. 
That Saturday my friends and I continued the tradition of star gazing during Sundance and took to main street. We saw Harry Styles, Anna Kendrick that slut from E! Kendra whatever her name is,and  Ashley Green from twilight. It was fun and it made it better because I was with my besties. The time came around when I had to go work my shift at the Chase Premier party for Infinity Polar Bear. When Mark Ruffalo came in, he was just was handsome as I remembered him being just a days earlier. I was working the press line and got to see all the people come in. As he left the line I said "Have a good time in the there " he replied " Hey I know you from the other day." My smile was as big as the Mississippi, I nodded and replied "are you having a good time?"  He looked at me and said "the best have a great night. " I just said "you too!" . My life could not be better! I was beaming all night, that I didn't even realized that the Italian man staring at me. What did i get from this experience? I was so pretty that an A-List movie star remembered me.  I am gorgeous!
So the party came to an end and I didn't see Mark leave unfortunately, I was sure he would've asked me to go hang out. Why wouldn't he? The Italian was leaving and I said "Bye I hope you had a great time!" Still beaming, He leans in and kisses me right on the lips and shouts "FIRST BASE!" Yes he had had something to drink, yes if he was into me he would've asked me to hang out, but it doesn't change the fact that he kissed me; the most action I have had in two years.  SO  was I that obvious? Is that why that guy kissed me? becuase he just saw a cute girl that was in desperate need of male attention?
NO! and YES and who the EFF CARES! If I have learned anything from my hero Mindy Kaling, it's who cares what people think! Who cares if I come off as "I need boyfriend"... at least it's out there, and that couldn't hurt. AND Mark Ruffalo remembered me, a random Italian kissed me and Katie Couric thinks I am pretty....I am the coolest!

He's Just not that into you...The Mormon Girl Addition..

So with the new year means a new semester in college and with that new semester means, in single adult wards... new guys, therefore new prospects. Every Mormon girl is thinking, myself included,  "I wonder if that is THE guy?" Then as weeks go on and you have made a fool of yourself he asks another girl out and on some level you are offended. You think that because you have strategically planned out that you will sit by him in sacrament, you have the upper hand. That if he only knew how awesome you were he would ask you out. SO you begin to talk to him and cleverly get your guy friends that you have no interest in, to get the 411 on this mystery man, so you can like what he likes (even though you have already stalked him on facebook via LDS tools). The clever Mormon girl thinks, she has him because she made him smile once or twice. BUT NO! Mormon guy or no, if he isn't asking you out within the first week of knowing you, sorry Mormon girl he isn't ever going to ask you out.
CASE AND POINT:
A mystery man recently started coming to my ward. I thought he was cute and I did want to get to know him. I will be completely honest...I did stalk him on Facebook via LDS tools, But I did not come off as desperate. I have learned my lesson in that department. I played it cool. I did like talking to him but I really didn't feel anything when talking to him, so I just thought we could be friends; but lets face it I still wanted him to ask me out. So tonight was FHE and I was talking to him and another friend when I remembered I had a meeting to go to,so I said bye and went to the meeting. Okay I don't know if anyone else does this and it might be totally ridiculous but frankly I don't care if it is. I will think to myself ... if that guy is still there when I am done with my meeting then he is into me, if not then it was never meant to be. Well I finished my meeting and big surprise he had left. So I texted my friend that he was talking to...(we'll call him Ralph)
***Actual Text Messages**
Me: Ugh I really wanted to keep talking to you and that mystery guy.
Ralph: Ya that sucks, I think he might be starting to date someone. He was just telling me how hard dating is and that he's debating on moving somewhere where he had more option. He and I are gonna go ward hopping I think on Sunday. hahah

Sooooooooo first of all I should be mad at that dummy Ralph for  not talking me up to the mystery man! because what he is saying essentially is that I am not even an OPTION! In Mormon girl lingo that's code for you are not skinny enough and you aren't pretty.  Yes I might be curvy and I might say really dumb things every now and again, but I happen to know for a fact that I am pretty!
And there it is... I can't admit that simple truth that he is just not that into me. Well I guess I just did, but putting it that why...the (gulp) Truthful way...sucks. Because it's just that, he just isn't into you. There's nothing that you could've done to prevent that. Your stuff didn't mix with his stuff. So in the Mormon girls life this is a blow, because there are only so many guys out there for us. So we have to solider on, by going to swassy smelly dances, mix and mingles after church and dating to find that someone...Hoping that he feels the same way about you. So please remember single Mormon girl...IF he isn't asking you out, give up on him. I promise there are more out there, and most are hopeless but at least the hopeless ones will give you something to blog about:)

Mr. H part 2

 As I ring in this new year I will start it off with embracing the embarrassing situations  that seem to always unfold at the moment when it is most inconvenient for it to happen. I will focus on self love, and stop thinking less of myself. I do have to give a big thank you to the universe for this particular moment that happened over Christmas break. Thank you universe for helping me follow the instinct I had to get ready that day and look cute. I should've just known it was going to happen. It was December 23rd 2013 that day was already an emotional day for me for personal reasons and it surprisingly started out really good.  I decided to get in some last minute Christmas shopping while I waited for my mom and sister to get off work. Store after store I wondered, until I wondered into T.J. Maxx. I was looking at ordainments, and out of the corner of my eye I saw someone pacing back and forth, when I looked up I was him...Mr.H. I felt like I had been hit by a bus, and all I could say was "Holy Crap!" he smiled his fabulous smile. The one that made me want to melt. He pulled me in for a hug and I sunk even more. He looked old, tired, like he had been awake too long reading. Although he looked older and tired, I still fell. As he was talking to me I missed the people we use to be. I missed my best friend.
 I was so happy I was wearing a scarf to cover up those hives. I felt nothing but heat on my neck and cheeks. As a tidal wave emotion hit me I had to remain calm and collective. As we chit chatted he mentioned that he had been dating a girl for a while and had just broken up because she dropped out of school, and long distance wasn't his thing. Typical. Then he asked me if I had been dating, and of course I lied! DUH! Like I am going to tell him that I can't get over him, and that he was the last guy I kissed and the only date I have been on in the last year was with a guy with gout. So I made an educated decision and lied, and said I was dating like crazy but no one serious, just having fun. Trying really hard to sound nonchalant and maybe a little bit sluty.
Listen, I will be the first to admit all that crap wrote about knowing I would run into him again and that I would try to be his friend , be kind to him and you know just try to be a fabulous person when I saw him again...that's ALL CRAP!
We got to the check out line he gave me one last hug and a smile,  and he walked out the door. You don't know how much I wanted him to run back in and confess his undying love for me, that he wanted me just the way I was, and that I completed him.(I blame romantic comedies for this hopeless fantasy I have in my head. I recognize it, and I embrace it) he walked out that door and out of my life. It was like my heart broke all over again, because something was different this time. Mr. H was really leaving. After holding in my tears for a good long while, I got in my car and headed straight to swigg for a sugar cookie and a dirty Dr. Pepper.  All I could do was cry. I got to my moms office and she tried to console me and later we met up with my sister and she did the same. But they couldn't make me feel better. I loved them for trying and still loving me and forgiving me for immediately taking out my frustrations on them, because how could they know how I feel? Have they ever loved someone so much that they couldn't get over them? Has that person they loved rejected them time after time? They always got what they wanted. Right? In times like these it is so easy to start comparing yourself to others and think that they haven't had struggles. It just another way to bring yourself  down.
About two weeks later I got to thinking. Was all that time I spent trying to get over Mr. H all for nothing? NO! I began to think I spent 2 plus weeks thinking about our run in, and he probably spent two seconds thinking about it. WHY am I giving so much of my energy to him? Yes, I do still have feelings for him. BUT the important thing to remember is... I have feelings for myself, and I love me. He never did.
It's like Carrie Bradshaw said "don't forget to fall in love with yourself first." I never really understood what that meant and I don't think I would if I didn't run into Mr. H. that day. For so long I looked to him or guys in general to make me feel like a was worth something. Like if a guy thought I was pretty then everything would be okay. But nothing could be further from the truth. If you don't love yourself first,[and know yourself first ] then any relationship you get into with a guy I don't think will be complete.
You know it's an on going thing, this self validation mission I have set out on this year. It doesn't make the sting of rejection any easier but I can tell you, it softens the blow. So until next time, in the immortal words of RuPaul, "if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you ever going to love someone else? Can I get an amen?"