The best thing he never had...

 

The story of Mr. H...
I first saw him when he came to pick my sister up for prom. He was tall, funny and handsome. For the first time I was jealous of my sister. I remember thinking if I was the girl by his side I would be the luckiest girl in the world. A thought that continued to ring in my mind for the better part of 9 years. I continued to be a teen; dating and perfecting the art of being a loud, and he left on his mission.
When he came back I was 16 and my sister had kept in contact with him and his family so we went to his homecoming. He was more funny and handsome then I remembered. He opened his talk like this "I am really happy to be home, but I did witness many new and great things in Brazil , Baptizing people spreading the word of god, Raptors, Tigers...." I was so hooked it was ridiculous. I put Mr. H on a pedestal with no plans of taking him down.
We began to hang out and he started to call me, text me a lot. Still to this day I don't know how he got my number. We had an instant connection. After high school I became a gypsy and moved around a lot, but our friendship didn't suffer. He was always in my mind and I must've been in his because we talked almost everyday. It finally came to a head when I was 22. I told him how I felt and he blew it off. I couldn't continue to be in the place that we were in, when I had such strong feelings about him, so I stopped talking to him, but he continued to text me and call me. Leaving dumb silly messages and until he broke me down.
I had come back home Austin Texas for the summer to be with my family and he just so happened to be home for the summer too. We were sort of talking here and there and one night we decided to meet up. The meet up turned out to be a hook up. My head was reeling I was so happy, Mr. H had finally come to his senses and realized I was the one for him!  Before he would go to medical school he would ask me to go with him and we would finally be together!  Right?? WRONG. Unfortunately I don't live in a romantic comedy. Just a Jenna comedy.
After that night he didn't call me for two weeks. I was crushed. Mr.H made me believe that he was into me. He called me on my birthday and took me to lunch, and acted weird the whole time, I admit I was weird too, because I was mad. When I confronted him about it he said he was mad at me because I told his brother we hooked up. DUH! I told him I told everyone! I finally kissed the guy I'd been dreaming about since I was 14. He's lucky I didn't blast it on Facebook or MySpace. He left for medical school without so much as a call. My heart broke into a million pieces.
Then on Christmas (5 months later) he had the nerve to text me the following
"Merry Christmas, I hope it sucked."...
So I hope this gives you a good idea of what I meant when I said in my first blog, that the only relationship I have been in was all in my head. Because it was, I was nothing to him but an emotional crutch, and validation for his feelings.  It was all about him. All the dreams I had that he would someday come around were nothing more then that...dreams.
   It was Mr. H's  birthday just this last week, I couldn't not say happy birthday and he'd texted me a little here and there, and I never gave it a second thought when he did. You can't expect me to just stop caring about him but he defiantly was off the pedestal . Just to 'stick it' to him I didn't wish him a happy birthday until three days after his actual birthday, and his response was "Whatever!"
 I can't say that this didn't bug me or that I didn't want to call him and ask him what his problem was, because I really wanted to do that. But just as I was about to call him I stopped myself, and had to think about what wound this would open up. The wound that was now a faint scar would burst open if I played into his game, whether he knew he was playing one or not. I had survived Mr. H that night something that I had failed at so many times.

     I would have been great to him, I would've been his lady on the streets and freak in the sheets wife. I could've loved and cherished him forever. But would he have been that for me?

  For along time I really wanted him to break an ankle or fall in love with a girl and have her break his heart like he did to mine. The weird thing is, I am happy Mr. H happened to me. That phase helped me to be a better Jenna. I don't know maybe it's because I am over him or maybe I have matured. But now I only wish him happiness, and if I saw him again, which being me will happen when I least expect it, I hope my heart can withstand it, and I hope that he will look at me and think, I was the best thing he never had.