The Date...

    To say that I have been on bad dates would be an understatement, but to say no to a guy that has worked up the courage to ask me on a date, seems like I am just slapping the universe in the face for giving me exactly what I have been wanting. A DATE. Apparently the universe needs  you to be insanely specific....

It was a Saturday night. I had been hooked up with this guy through a co-worker who I just love so I thought "what's the harm?" He was a little older but that never bothers me. I have to admit I did make a mistake, I was 30+ minutes late for our date, and I know that was a total date foul, it was snowing really bad and I didn't want to get an accident to a date that I was just "whatever" about. I'll save that driving for when I go out on a date with a celebrity.
 But this guy.... So I get there and he is okay looking not my type but someone that is nice to look at,(if that makes sense) Then he speaks, and I don't mean to sound harsh but he talked like he was slow. I thought I was imagining it, but I wasn't. We start to talk about movies which is always a good subject for me because I love movies, and all of the sudden he flinches and the table shakes. He goes, "sorry (giggles) I got a cramp." and begins to walk around the server station like a zombie man, dragging his leg around the restaurant. What was I suppose to do, get up and walk around with him?  So I just sat there, kinda just quite. So he sits down and we order and he excuses himself from the table to go to the restroom, so I was like cool he is going to go wash his hands, whatevs. He is in there for a good 30 minutes! He comes out and says "sorry, (giggles) I had a bloody nose."  I responded "oh no..." and quickly got back on the subject of movies. That's my happy place.  We somehow get on the subject of energy and energy work ( think it's because we were talking about star wars and I said it's really cool how they thought of the force, I wish I could do that with just my energy.) So he begins to tell me about how he goes to the doctor like once a week, and how he is looking into energy work to help him. I thought that was cool, but then he lists all of his ailments. Like he has a sharp pain in his side that shoots down to his groin and that he has gout. It's fine to have certain ailments, but don't tell me about them on the first date. I would never tell a guy that I have strangely flat, hobbit-like feet on the first date. So finally the check comes and he asks me if I want to do something else and I just couldn't do it. In the course of an hour he got a really bad cramp, a bloody nose, told me has shooting pains in his side and has gout.  I was so happy I drove myself, I am sure if I would have stayed on the date he would have broken something or had a heart attack at the rate he was going.
Here's the thing I am so thankful I got asked out, it doesn't happen that often. I just wish when I did get asked out I could go with a normal, fun, handsome guy, not one that is 35 and almost dead.
This wasn't even my worst date. I have had far worse and I am able to bounce back easily. One day I will get that awesome date. But until that day I will just have to keep being resilient and being the best me I can be.

Cher

When I was about 5 or 6 I found a long black wig in my dress up chest, put it on and from that moment I made everyone call me Cher, her movie career was taking off at the time and Mermaids was my top favorite movie. I mean how could anyone look at this poster and not want to see this movie? I loved Cher because she was so fun to impersonate, and so memorable. She always got her man and did it with style, she also had this "I do what I want" attitude that I was never brave enough to have.
I was Cher for a good two weeks of my childhood.  A few weeks later my obsession turned from Cher to....

Lydia from Beetlejuice. She put me in touch with my dark side. If you have seen the movie in the scene when she meets the ghosts that try to terrorize her house she admits to being "strange and unusual", that's why she can see them,  because she believed she was strange and unusual well I did too, and maybe I would see a ghost or somehow become psychic.  One night as my family watched T.V. I got some scissors and cut my bangs to look like Lydia. My brothers and sister just called them my "Pee Wee Herman bangs", and they did look like that. My mom was furious because the next day was our Mother Daughter photo shoot. Those pictures still aren't hung up in the house, they are tucked safely away in a photo album. I loved everything scary, my brother Josh was a great story teller and he worked out in the wilderness so he always told me ghost stories about his job and he unknowingly fed into this delusion I had. It also helped that I am native American and I feel like we just attract supernatural things into our lives, at least that's what I am told. So naturally I assumed I was magic in someway.

This picture perfectly represents how powerful and awesome I was when I was ten.



Being this cool little kid, I totally had a belief in physics, the supernatural and the strange and unusual events that could and I hoped would happen in my life. At one point in my life I was so sure I was a witch that on my 16th birthday Bette Middler would show up at my house and say I was her long lost daughter and I was now ready to learn the family secrets. To say I had an overactive imagination would be an under statement.
At the end of 7th grade student council elections were going on and I was in the  running. I  was
 so sure I was going to win. Completely side tracked by boys and my surety,  I forgot to make
posters to let people know to vote for me. So I took some colored markers and wrote on some lined paper, "Miss Cleo says Vote for JENNA!" And I won.

 

 
Now my suspicions about being physic and needing to put myself around that only got bigger. For awhile I was obsessed with going to fortune tellers and psychics, in hopes that they would tell me I had a supernatural gift and I should learn how to make it stronger, and of course the romantic in me, hoped they would tell me my prince would come out of the mist and take me a beautiful mansion and we'd be husband and wife and baby makes three. I have been to countless psychics, it's addicting! The possibility of someone knowing what you don't, a glimpse into the future of what you should be and who you will love the rest of your life? Who wouldn't get addicted to that?     One day I went to the dancing crane in salt lake city. The psychic there had great vibe I was hopeful she would tell me that prince was on his way, and she did! She said that'd I'd meet him  within the next three months, she even gave me her phone number and a little note saying if it didn't happen to call her. Well three months later and it didn't happen I was tempted to call her and tell her that she was a phony, and that she hurt my feelings. It made me think... AM I THAT EASY TO READ? after a lot of thought and reflection, I realized, I make my own future, I am me, that's priceless and unreadable, and maybe even a little physic for my own sitches in life.  Yes I might have a flair for fantasy, as well as  the strange and unusual but the second you start to question your path because someone who doesn't know you  says they are physic, you need to question how well you think you know yourself. IF you did know yourself you wouldn't need an outsiders or anyone else's  opinion on you and when you will meet your man, or which path to take in life. You just need you. After all that's all we really have.   If you need to embody Cher or someone else for a second to figure out who you are that's okay, as long as you do find out. (BTW I do suggest being Cher for a day or two she is so fearless.)  Embrace the crazy and conquer your fears (easier said then done) and make your own future so you can read it for yourself.  In the immortal words of Cher "Until you’re ready to look foolish, you’ll never have the possibility of being great."

The best thing he never had...

 

The story of Mr. H...
I first saw him when he came to pick my sister up for prom. He was tall, funny and handsome. For the first time I was jealous of my sister. I remember thinking if I was the girl by his side I would be the luckiest girl in the world. A thought that continued to ring in my mind for the better part of 9 years. I continued to be a teen; dating and perfecting the art of being a loud, and he left on his mission.
When he came back I was 16 and my sister had kept in contact with him and his family so we went to his homecoming. He was more funny and handsome then I remembered. He opened his talk like this "I am really happy to be home, but I did witness many new and great things in Brazil , Baptizing people spreading the word of god, Raptors, Tigers...." I was so hooked it was ridiculous. I put Mr. H on a pedestal with no plans of taking him down.
We began to hang out and he started to call me, text me a lot. Still to this day I don't know how he got my number. We had an instant connection. After high school I became a gypsy and moved around a lot, but our friendship didn't suffer. He was always in my mind and I must've been in his because we talked almost everyday. It finally came to a head when I was 22. I told him how I felt and he blew it off. I couldn't continue to be in the place that we were in, when I had such strong feelings about him, so I stopped talking to him, but he continued to text me and call me. Leaving dumb silly messages and until he broke me down.
I had come back home Austin Texas for the summer to be with my family and he just so happened to be home for the summer too. We were sort of talking here and there and one night we decided to meet up. The meet up turned out to be a hook up. My head was reeling I was so happy, Mr. H had finally come to his senses and realized I was the one for him!  Before he would go to medical school he would ask me to go with him and we would finally be together!  Right?? WRONG. Unfortunately I don't live in a romantic comedy. Just a Jenna comedy.
After that night he didn't call me for two weeks. I was crushed. Mr.H made me believe that he was into me. He called me on my birthday and took me to lunch, and acted weird the whole time, I admit I was weird too, because I was mad. When I confronted him about it he said he was mad at me because I told his brother we hooked up. DUH! I told him I told everyone! I finally kissed the guy I'd been dreaming about since I was 14. He's lucky I didn't blast it on Facebook or MySpace. He left for medical school without so much as a call. My heart broke into a million pieces.
Then on Christmas (5 months later) he had the nerve to text me the following
"Merry Christmas, I hope it sucked."...
So I hope this gives you a good idea of what I meant when I said in my first blog, that the only relationship I have been in was all in my head. Because it was, I was nothing to him but an emotional crutch, and validation for his feelings.  It was all about him. All the dreams I had that he would someday come around were nothing more then that...dreams.
   It was Mr. H's  birthday just this last week, I couldn't not say happy birthday and he'd texted me a little here and there, and I never gave it a second thought when he did. You can't expect me to just stop caring about him but he defiantly was off the pedestal . Just to 'stick it' to him I didn't wish him a happy birthday until three days after his actual birthday, and his response was "Whatever!"
 I can't say that this didn't bug me or that I didn't want to call him and ask him what his problem was, because I really wanted to do that. But just as I was about to call him I stopped myself, and had to think about what wound this would open up. The wound that was now a faint scar would burst open if I played into his game, whether he knew he was playing one or not. I had survived Mr. H that night something that I had failed at so many times.

     I would have been great to him, I would've been his lady on the streets and freak in the sheets wife. I could've loved and cherished him forever. But would he have been that for me?

  For along time I really wanted him to break an ankle or fall in love with a girl and have her break his heart like he did to mine. The weird thing is, I am happy Mr. H happened to me. That phase helped me to be a better Jenna. I don't know maybe it's because I am over him or maybe I have matured. But now I only wish him happiness, and if I saw him again, which being me will happen when I least expect it, I hope my heart can withstand it, and I hope that he will look at me and think, I was the best thing he never had.

The Hives of Life.

They have evolved. What use to be a silly glitch in my system when I talked to a cute guy, has now become something that happens to me whenever I get excited. The HIVES. Let me take you back to last Thursday to a classic example of the curse of the hives. I was covering the front reception desk at work, and as I input data and answered phones I saw a cute guy walk in the front doors. I paid very little attention to the situation at first, just kinda hoping he would come into our offices. Then the door opened at it was the cute guy. A small panic flushed over me as I smiled, trying to remember everything I learned from "John Tucker Must Die,"  1- Breath, 2-Wait three seconds before responding to a question, and 3-Try not to come off too desperate . So I welcomed him in and asked him who he was there for, he was so charismatic and nice, I am use to cute guys being stuck up and rude because most guys were that way where I grew up. Then I felt those nasty beeches creep up my neck, I tried to pull my shirt up without looking too obvious, it didn't work.  What could he have done to  make me react this way? Was I that deprived of male attention? The answer is, YES! What made matters worst was after I called the person he was suppose to see, is he started to talk to me, and man could he make you feel special. He was average height, dark wavy hair and had really straight teeth. He kinda looked like that guy that played Rachel's younger boyfriend in 'Friends' his name was Tag. ANYWAYS so as we talked I felt the hives get worse and worse. All I wanted was for someone to come and get this dream boat outta there! THEN something I thought would NEVER happen. He asked me where I went to school I said with a smile "SLCC" and my lip started to quiver! WHY I had no idea. But now when I talked to him it looked like I was about to cry. SO recap. My neck and cheeks were now red and splotchy, my voice was shaky and my lips were quivering like an earthquake! This was not playing it cool. How can I ever be the "cool chick" with this evident ''give away''? FINALLY someone came to get him for whatever he was there for. He smiled at me and said it was nice meeting me and gave me a little nod. So of course my head starts reeling with daydreams... I was so sure that he would get done with his meeting and go up to the front desk and ask for my name,and/or my number. Or in my wildest dreams that he would be waiting for me when I was done with work... Did any of this happen? No. No matter how much I wish this was '10 things I hate about you', Heath Ledger will not be waiting by my car with a new guitar and confess his love for me. That's just not the world I live in, it's the ''Jenna World" that I someday hope to live in, but you know what? a daydream every once and a while never hurt anyone... Ten minutes later, I went to my friend Tanya's desk to have her scale the hives from 1-10 her first response was "WHOA!" which is never good.
 I had the foolish thought that this curse only showed it's self when a cute guy is around and we talked and engage in a slight flirtation, I was wrong.
 Today I had a phone interview to volunteer at the 2014 Sundance Film Festival. The interview went great! I am so in!!! I will be handling mostly the parties and social events, not the crappy jobs like ticket taking. So after my interview I went to Tanya's desk to tell her all about it, the first thing she says is "why do you have hives? what happened?" (I love Tanya for always telling me like it is. She is the best, I recommend everyone have a "Tanya" in there life) It has come to the point that I don't even feel  that I have them! But apparently they were there.
So yes I think they are embarrassing and annoying and no matter how hard I try to follow the "John Tucker" rules, I will always have a "give away", and that's okay. I guess they make me Jenna. I am sure that there  is a guy out there that will love my hives and think it is adorable that I have this huge "give away". In a nutshell these hives are a good thing, the guy that falls in love with me will have no doubt that I'm in love with him, because the hives don't lie.

Am I Bigfoot?

While sitting in church the other day it dawned on me...I might be a loner my whole life. As I sat while we sang church hymns I looked around at all the people in the room, all these little girls with pretty hair and dime a dozen attitudes, I came to the realization that's just not me, and that's okay.  I am not skinny, I'm  socially weird when a guy is around that I think is semi-cute, I tend to think I could be a stand-comic but I can't deliver a punch line to save my life. I tend to think I look like Mindy Kaling if she lived in Utah her whole life.  But lets face it, the only relationship I have been in was all in my head, and the others, have been with celebrities, that I am sure if we ever were to  met we would be the best couple on the face of the earth.
 So was I just a sad case that was doomed to walk the earth alone like Bigfoot ? Doomed to wonder the world alone ? NO!  I mean if I did pull a Bigfoot it wouldn't be the worst thing, I would never have to shave,  (HUGE plus), and my lack of  the 'mysterious factor' would go up, so up that I would have people wondering if I even existed.  Maybe  people would make plaster castings of my flat Indian foot. But it still it raised the question,would I  give in to this mentality that I have been living with my whole life? That if I wasn't married or have had a serious relationship by the time I was 25 that I would grow old with a dog and a modest income, only ever being the 'favorite auntie'? (Which isn't bad thing)  What about all the other favorites I am missing out on- Favorite girlfriend, favorite snuggler, favorite person to hang out with? I want that too! Was I just a "Bigfoot" in training?
Here's the thing about me. I can't be a bitch to guys or the " hard to get girl" I hate playing games. If a guy is not into me I would want to know so I don't waste my time.  I am a I am not a younger twenty-something I am and older twenty-something and I am proud of that. I guess I am a hopeless romantic. Or I have watched "When Harry Met Sally" too much, but I know if I just stay true to who I am I'll find my Harry. That's one thing I wish I could tell younger me. Celebrate you everyday! because you are pretty great and who really wants to be like everyone else?

I don't know what the future holds for me. I hope that one day I can look back at these little blog posts, laugh and say "why did I ever think that?" but until then I am going to keep believing I am a stand up comic in front of hot guys. So if I do end up becoming "Bigfoot", wondering the world alone at least I'll be laughing.